Does your the child is quickly discouragedWhen something goes wrong? Cries, shouts, refuses to participate in activities at which he/she is not the best? Does he/she fail for a long time and cannot cope with his/her emotions? Do you want to help him at all costs, but do not know how? Do you feel powerless because every attempt you make ends in failure? If so, this text is for you. We will explain why an obsession with winning can have a negative impact on your child's development, and what you can do to help him or her find peace in your mind and heart. The principles of healthy competition are a skill your child can learn. Tus classes may be the solution to your problems.
Why can't children cope with losing?
Not only children, but also adults often have the problem of accepting failure. It is important to understand that the lack of this skill is not something you 'grow out of'.
If the subject is not worked through in childhood, it can lead to serious problems in adulthood, both professionally and privately.
When a child is young and acquiring new skills, parents naturally praise them for every progress: "How beautifully you do the papa!", "You drew your mummy beautifully!", "Bravo, you did the pee on the potty!". Sometimes parents say, "You are the most beautiful in the world", "You are the fastest in class". While praising a child is a positive thing, there is a the fine line between positive reinforcement and excessive praisewhich may result in future difficulties in dealing with failure.
Why do children love to win?
Children feel pride when they acquire new skills. Success gives them a sense of being noticed and appreciated - first by their parents, then by their peers. It is a natural stage building the child's self-confidence and shaping his or her self-esteem. The problem arises when competition becomes obsessive and failure is treated as a disaster.
Why can one child cope with failure and others not?
Every child is different. One will understand more quickly that you can't always win and will cope better with difficult emotions. Another may believe that only winning matters and obsessively strive for it. It is important that parents help their child find the balance and teach them to enjoy the process itself, not just the result.
What impact does the lack of ability to lose have on relationships with other children?
A child who cannot cope with defeat can quickly gain the patch of 'capricious' or 'difficult'. Peers may avoid playing with him, fearing an explosion of emotion if he loses. This can lead to social isolation and problems in building relationships.
How do you help your child cope with failure?
Working on this problem is a long-term process. It is important for parents to remain calm and consistent. Here are some practical tips:
- Talk to your child. Say you understand his emotions and share your own experiences. Ask how you can help him.
- Set a good example. Show that even after a defeat, the game or competition itself is worth enjoying.
- Don't give your child a forthat. Winning may always give temporary joy, but it teaches a false picture of reality.
- Praise the effort, not the result. Teach your child that the most important thing is the effort, not the end result itself.
- Do not criticise or pore overgo to. Words thrown around casually can stick in a child's memory for a long time.
- Pay attention to emotions. Teach your child to recognise their feelings and deal with them in a socially acceptable way.
- Select appropriate games for children. Choose ones that teach cooperation, logic and patience. Cooperative games help your child understand that team success is more important than individual winning.
What games for children to choose?
Memoriesings - strengthen concentration and memory, while at the same time not carrying a lot of stress associated with losing (e.g. Memo, Rudy, Three by Three).
Arcade games - develop patience, precision and hand-eye coordination. Possible failure in these is often perceived as fun rather than frustrating (e.g. Making a Tower of Penguins, Jenga, Catching Fish, Jumping Eggs, Twister, Lotti karotti).
Puzzle and educational games - support cognitive development and allow the child to focus on solving the task rather than competing (e.g. Smart games, Checkers or Chess, Tangram, Cubicle to Cubicle, Guess Who It Is, Było sobie życie, Świat, Polska, Kosmos, Honeycombs).
Cooperative games - They are excellent at teaching cooperation and achieving goals together, which is extremely important for children who have difficulties with failure (e.g. Dream Park , Coco loco, puns, Spy Guy).
Games to watch out for
Games of chance, in which winning depends, for example, on the throw of the dice or which cards are drawn, can indeed be difficult for a child who has not yet mastered the losing skills. However, this does not mean that they should be completely excluded - the key is to introduce them in a gradual way, taking into account the child's emotions and with appropriate adult support.
What not to do?
- Don't belittle your child's feelings by saying it's 'just a game'.
- Don't change the rules so that the child wins.
- Don't distract from the problem with, for example, a tablet or a cartoon.
- Do not shout or embarrass your child.
What does losing teach a child?
- Compliance with the ruleswhich affects his safety and relationships with others.
- Dealing with emotionswhich prepares them for the challenges of adult life.
- Building mental toughnesswhich will help him in the future.
Remember, failure is an important part of emotional and social development the child. The ability to lose is a process that takes time and patience. Help your child to understand that everyone loses sometimes, and the key is not to give up and to learn lessons for the future. Your attitude as a parent has a huge impact on how your child will deal with challenges in adult life.
Let your child believe in himself
When the child does not know how to loseA nice family evening playing board games, playing hide and seek or going for a walk in the woods can turn into a nightmare. Any situation can provoke anger outbursts in a child. The desire to compete is a natural part of a child's development, but don't let the fear of failure stop them from taking on new challenges. Failure and the fear of it can lead to anxiety disorders or depression in adulthood.
Difficult experiences are very necessary for the child. It is up to us, the parents, to decide whether the child experiences them in our caring care or at nursery or school, away from the parent. Overprotection works against the child.
What will he feel when he suddenly realises that he doesn't always win? That it has to face feelings of regret and defeat? It will be confused and we will no longer be able to protect it. Will it be able to cope with the wave of emotions on its own? If it has not had such experiences before, it may be difficult.
TUS classes - how to teach your child to cope with losing?
This is why the child's sense of failure is much needed. Methods of supporting and enhancing emotional resilience should be tailored to the child's needs and character. It is worth considering Social skills training (TUS), which has great results in learning how to cooperate with others and deal with failure. It is crucial that the group is matched to the child's age and developmental needs.
To a large extent, it is up to us to determine how a child will deal with setbacks in the future. Will they learn lessons from them? Will they motivate them to continue working? Will they learn to better recognise and regulate their emotions? Or will they break down, give up and never try again? It's all in your hands.
Treat your children with respect and believe that they can cope even in difficult situations. And what if they can't cope? Then they will try again, and again, until they finally succeed. The most valuable thing you can pass on to your child is the belief that you should never give up and that you will always support them in difficult times. How to build confidence in your child? To let him experience life and support him in difficult moments.
Life without difficult situations does not exist, but it is easier to get through them with self-confidence and the knowledge that parents believe in us too.
If you feel you need support, you may find it useful to consultation with a child psychologist or enrolling your child in tus classes, i.e. Social Skills Training (TUS).
Kids Medic team of therapists
