A child's emotions can be intense, volatile and sometimes difficult to tame - both for the toddler himself and for his carers. From an early age, a child faces the challenge of recognising and understanding what he or she is feeling. And this is only the beginning, because over time he or she must also learn to notice the emotions of others - peers, adults, the world around them.
It's not difficult to get lost in this thicket. But I believe that with your help, dear parents, children can understand that emotions are not an enemy but an ally. The key is to tame and accept them.
How do you make your child's emotions a strength rather than a burden? This is what you will read about below.
What can you do to make your child's emotions your ally?
Explain to the child that absolutely any has emotions in it and everyone must learn to control them. I have noticed that children often do not realise that others also have difficulties with their emotions. It seems to them that only they are ashamed, only they are afraid, only they are angry. Because, after all, emotions in others are usually not visible.
This kind of thinking compounds the stress and can make the child feel alienated and 'wrong'. This is why your support is so important. Tell your child that other children also feel stage fright before performing in a kindergarten play.
Tell them that you get stressed sometimes too - before a presentation at work, an interview or a difficult decision. This "de-stressing of emotions" shows your child that feelings are not a weakness, just a natural part of everyday life.
Emotions are not bad - each has a function
Teach your child that there are no "good" or "bad" emotions, because every emotion is important and every emotion is for something. Yes, we experience some of them as pleasant and others as difficult, but this does not mean that the latter have to be suppressed. Each emotion can have a supportive or destructive effect on us - depending on how we understand and manage it.
Jealousy, for example. It can make us angry, but it can also give us energy and motivation to act. A child who looks in awe at a friend who plays football brilliantly or a colleague who dances beautifully may feel the sting of jealousy - and that's OK. Then you can help him or her to ask a question: "What can I do to be great at something too?". If it decides for itself in which direction it wants to develop, and if you accompany it on this journey, it will be more persistent, and every achievement - even the smallest - will give it wings.
You may be interested in our article: "How do you teach your child to lose? Find out how TUS activities work„.
Don't run away from your child's difficult emotions
Crucial to emotional development is the understanding that avoiding difficult emotions does not work. They will not disappear - they will only accumulate. And they will eventually find an outlet, often uncontrollably: in an outburst of anger, a feeling of depression, tension in the body or stomach pains.
Therefore, the only right way is learning to experience emotions, recognising them and giving them meaning. It is not easy - but it is possible.
Watch your child carefully
Consider the kWhen your child loses control. Does it always happen on Thursdays? Maybe that's when the rhythm class takes place, which he doesn't like? Or maybe the preschool group is combined with another group on that day, which includes a problem child? Maybe there are chops for lunch, which he hates and just goes hungry? Or maybe Thursdays are the day when fatigue accumulates after an intense week?
Instead of guessing - ask your child how he/she feels. Let it do the talking. Be an emotion detective - observe and react quickly if something causes you concern. Sometimes a small change is all it takes to improve his mental comfort.
Support your child on the journey to understanding emotions
By allowing your child to experience different emotions, you teach them that feelings are not something to be suppressed - just something worth knowing and taming.
When your child feels an emotion and goes through it with your support, he will feel pride and build a piece of his mental resilience. Talk to him about your emotions. Talk about what you felt as a child, or what you experienced at work today. Your stories, even if a little 'fictionalized', will show your child that you adults have emotions too. And that this is normal.
The most important thing? To make sure your child can always turn to you.
What absolutely not to do if you want to help your child?
Don't shield your child from difficult emotions
Although you naturally want to protect your child from unpleasantness - it is the childhood is the best time to learn about emotions. If we protect a child from frustration, anger or sadness for too long, it can be much harder for them when the real challenges come.
Don't get carried away by your emotions
When your child is experiencing strong emotions, you need to be his regulator, not his mirror. If your nervousness meets his anger - we have an explosive mixture.
Your behaviour - tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures - says more than words. If you say "I'm calm" and your body screams "pissed off!", your child will lose trust in you. And he or she may not open up next time.
Do not comment or judge in front of others
Avoid embarrassing your child in the presence of third parties. Emotional outbursts in a child are not a teachable moment. Better to step aside, give space and say:
- I am with you.
- It's not a bad thing to lose control of your emotions.
- Sometimes it happens to me too.
- Let's think together about what can be done about it.
This is not a time for moralising - it is a time for intimacy.
Don't kick a man lying down
You are the person who can soothe your child's stress like a magic wand - but also the person who can hurt the most. Your words, your gestures, even your gaze - everything stays with your child for a long time. You have enormous power. And it is up to you whether your child feels supported or ashamed.
Never:
- do not make your child feel guilty,
- don't bring up past promises ("you said you wouldn't do that again"),
- do not compare to other children,
- do not ridicule or embarrass.
Parent as role modelr
Your child doesn't need a perfect parent. He needs you - present, attentive, patient. How you respond to emotions - your own and your child's - builds patterns in your child that will stay with them for life. If you feel yourself getting lost in emotional chaos, ask for help. This is not weakness - it is courage and strength.
One good solution could be activities TUS for children, i.e. social skills training. It's a safe space where children learn about emotions and relationships, and parents get concrete tips on how to support their kids every day.
You can give your child a priceless gift
Emotional intelligence is one of the most important gifts you can pass on to your child. It is one that will pay off in relationships, at work and in everyday life. The ability to understand and regulate emotions is a real superpower.
Support your child in her development. Be beside, but not in front. Don't protect him with a shield - be his wings.
If you need support in working on your child's emotions - sign up for the TUS in Warsaw at one of the Kids Medic facilities.
Photo source: Freepik.com
