Strong pressure to be the bestimposed on children from an early age is extremely worrying. Children have to excel in everything, they have to win - always and with everyone. They have to do everything at their earliest and best. Parents meticulously document every success and proudly share it with family and friends. But what - apart from ever-increasing demands and expectations - do we really have to offer our children? Will they remember their childhood as a carefree time or as a period of constant pressure?
It used to be that the birth of a healthy child was considered the greatest gift. The very fact of its existence brought joy and a sense of fulfilment. Today, children hear their parents bursting with pride from a very young age: "he is already talking", "he is already sitting up", "he is already using the potty", "he is reading, writing, reciting, playing chess, dancing, counting"... the list is endless. The child begins to perceive his or her childhood through the prism of parental expectations. Maybe it's time to slow down and try to build a bond with the childwhich will give it a solid foundation for the future.
Childhood is not a race. Childhood is a carefree, magical time - don't take it away from your child!
Pressure on children - first signs
How do you recognise the invisible force of pressure on children? Dad doesn't enjoy going out for ice cream together. Mum does not enthusiastically recall the after-school picnic. Instead, they talk about winning races at school, being able to read at the age of five or taking their first steps before the age of six months.
The child does not yet understand why, but intuitively begins to feel that he or she must be... THE BEST, in order to deserve the attention and pride of the parents.
And while I wholeheartedly believe that none of you - dear parents - are doing this in bad faith, I have to say this: I do not envy today's children. Meeting these expectations is not only incredibly difficult - in many cases it is simply impossible. At some point any child can come to the conclusion that is not good enoughThat he is not trying, that his successes are not spectacular enough, that he does not meet your expectations....
Nursery and kindergarten is not a study
Each child develops at his or her own pace, acquiring skills at an individual rhythm. We know that children learn best when they are happy - this doesn't mean that learning should always be easy or fun. But it is worrying how many nurseries today offer language or maths learning. Nurseries are increasingly focusing on preparing children academically and 'giving them an edge' right from the start.
Meanwhile, complex processes of maturation of the nervous system take place at every stage of development. Childhood is a time of discovery, experimentation and exploring the world with passion and enthusiasm. Our task - as parents - is to protect this unique time. Differences in the rate of development of children are the norm and they eventually align.
Do you remember at what age you started walking, talking, using the toilet? Nobody puts that on their CV. But whether you had a happy childhoodis of great importance - for your self-esteem, self-confidence, relationship building and development skills social skills. Children develop at different rates, so even if you learned to read or walk later than others, it doesn't matter today. Because these differences blur completely over time.
Learning through play
Children should develop quietly, at a rhythm that suits their current stage. Jumping stones, playing house, stacking blocks - these are often much more important than extra language or ballet. Children must first master basic skills - motor, social, emotional - before we start burdening them with school content. Otherwise, learning becomes a source of frustration, anxiety and a sense of failure.
Build strong self-esteem in children
The world is changing - but children are not. Their brains are still developing along the same lines as decades ago. They need play, space to be creative, opportunities to put their ideas into practice. They also need - and most importantly - unconditional love and free time. And also, adults and peers with whom they can learn relationships and emotions.
Every child is unique
Not every child develops in the same way. Being a responsible parent is also supporting the child's development in his direction - not ours. He may not become a champion on the football field, but he has musical talent. Maybe maths is not his forte, but he tells amazing stories. Maybe he measures up to challenges - autism spectrum, motor deficits - but he still deserves support, love and the chance to grow in what makes him happy.
It's up to you what your child will go into the world with
A child who had the best facilities and extra-curricular activities may struggle in adulthood with relationships, work and even a sense of purpose. Another who played in the mud and went to a mediocre pre-school may today lead a happy, fulfilled life.
What these children have in common - or what they lack - is unconditional love, time together and the feeling that they are important, listened to and loved. With such a 'backpack' a child can cope with life. A backpack filled with pressure, criticism and conditional acceptance - can crush them.
A prescription for a pressure-free childhood - the need for love above all else
More and more children and teenagers are losing the will to play, learn and even live. We cannot ignore the role we adults play in this process. Let us do everything possible to pressure on children not destroy their childhood. Let's not treat them as tools to fulfil our own ambitions. Let's not compare, let's not push, let's not demand to be the 'best'.
Every child has talents and abilities. It is our responsibility to notice, support and nurture them. Weaker sides? Let's just work on them - calmly, patiently, without comparison. Childhood is not a race. Childhood is a beautiful, magical time that no one should take away from a child.
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