When a child shouts, hits, throws objects - we see 'bad behaviour'. In therapy, we look deeper: an aggressive child is a message. He talks about overloading the nervous system, difficulties in regulating emotions, sometimes anxiety, pain, shame.
Punishment may tone down the symptom for a while, but it does not teach the child's brain how to deal with the tension next time. Therapy - especially with parental involvement - builds these skills step by step.
What is going on in a child's brain?
So... how does it actually work? In children, impulse inhibition (prefrontal cortex) matures gradually, while the alarm system (amygdala) reacts quickly. In moments of overload, the body acts faster than words - hence the "anger outbursts in children". As they grow older, their ability to self-regulate increases, but the "overhaul in the brain" continues and overloads easily trigger fight/flight responses.
Aggression is not 'one' thing. It is useful to distinguish between reactive aggression and proactive aggression.
Reactive aggression is an impulsive outburst after a stimulus ('spark-explosion') - lots of emotion, little calculation. Here it helps to pause, calm down and learn to self-regulate. In contrast, proactive aggression is instrumental - used "coldly" to gain something. Then the key is to cut off the benefits (no rewards for violence), the consequences and teaching an alternative, fair way to achieve the goal.
Distinguishing the type of aggression allows you to choose an effective response to aggressive child.
What intensifies aggression in children?
Sleep deprivation, hunger, stimulus overload, somatic pain, but also ADHD, sensory hypersensitivity, temperamental factors, family stress or experiences of violence. When you add to this unclear rules and adults who react and do not react at times - the aggression in a child has ideal conditions for perpetuation.
Why punishing your child doesn't work for longer?
Punishments (especially corporal and humiliating ones) increase the in children, anxiety and tension and thus... the risk of further outbursts. Corporal punishment exacerbates aggression and does not improve behaviour in the long term. They are recommended positive parenting methods, clear boundaries and non-violent consequences.
Punishment is no way to deal with an aggressive child
Corporal punishment has been banned by law in Poland since 2010. Research clearly shows that 'educational' violence exacerbates problems and perpetuates the model: 'the stronger is right'. Social attitudes are also changing - acceptance of punishment is decreasing - but practice is still inert.
If we want to change behaviour, we need ability to deal with emotions, not just a moment of silence after a spanking.
Therapy whichwhich reaches gfathom
The solution to a problem such as an aggressive child can be Aggression Replacement Training (TZA / ART). It is a programme with three pillars, which are social skills, anger control and moral reasoning. Research shows improved competence and a decrease in aggressive behaviour after a full cycle. This is a practical, 'teachable' tool for working with children and young people.
It is also worth trying to work on child-parent relationship. This type of work is based on interaction analysis and parenting skills training to enhance regulation on both sides. In the Polish clinical environment, there is a growing role for approaches based on observing signal exchanges and building a predictable framework (rules, daily rhythm, ways of reacting).
Support for therapy must not be forgotten school activities. Classroom and system interventions reduce levels of aggression and peer violence. Recent reports show that the scale of violence is significant. Therefore, consistency of home-school interactions is important.
How to work with aggression on a daily basis (without punishment)?
Name your child's emotions and slow down. Briefly: 'I see anger, pause for breath'. For younger ones - hand signal, breath counter, calm movement.
Set clear boundaries and fixed rituals. "We don't hit. If you are angry - pillow/squeeze/word: break". Consistency = predictability.
Teach the "mapcia". Together with your child, recognise body signals (heat, fists, rapid breathing) and write down an SOS plan: stop-breath-move-words.
Distinguish the function of behaviour. Reactive 'anger outbursts' require de-escalation and regulation; proactive ones work on values, empathy and social consequences (harm repair, mediation). Different goals = different interventions.
Take care of the biological basics. Sleep, food, 'windows without a screen', movement. Small deficits create big sparks.
Wconnect róvillagerów and adults 'in the environment'. Agree policies with the school/pre-school. Prevention programmes help not just 'one child' but the whole group.
When an urgent consultation is needed
When aggression in a child endangers safety (their own or others'), accompanied by threats, intimidation, cruelty to animals, increasing conflicts at home and at school, or when home strategies, despite consistent application, do not work - it is worth making an appointment with a specialist and extending the diagnosis (including ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, sensory overload, among others). The current Polish FDDS peer violence reports remind us that early and multilevel help has a real impact on safety and development.
It is about giving the child new tools and the adults a new language of response. Aggression loses its meaning when skills emerge: recognising emotions, inhibiting impulses, asking for help, repairing harm. This is what Aggression Replacement Therapy - goes deeper than punishment.
