I know that this text may not be to everyone's taste, because for the first time, it is not just an advice article, but a direct address to you - the parents. In a way, the topics it touches upon force us to make a parental examination of conscience, which we usually do reluctantly, although sometimes it is simply necessary. It is worth reading this article on parental mistakes The 21st century.
Parent, open your eyes!
I hope that, after reading this article, some adults will take a sober look at the enormity of the problems faced by today's children and the fact that, to a large extent, it is the parents who, in a sense, inflict this fate on their children. By way of explanation, I too am a parent and believe wholeheartedly in the saying: "Let he who is blameless cast the first stone". I have made some excuses, I have warned you, so let's cut to the chase!
Are we the worst parents in the history of mankind?
Paradoxically, yes. Because we want with all but absolutely all our strength to be the best parents in the world. In wanting to give our children the best and most wonderful things that we have not had, we commit parental mistakes and we lose along the way what is most important. We lose sight of the elements fundamental to a child's development, namely time spent with a parent. There are no happy children if they cannot share joy with their parents. You will say that you spend a lot of time with your children, and I will ask you what quality time this is?
We shop together, watch TV together, see each other in the morning and evening. And how often do you eat meals together? How often do you talk to each other? Phrases like: Put your jacket on. Turn off the computer. Clean your room. Buy pasta for tomato soup. - These are commands, not conversation. If you still have doubts about what I'm talking about, think honestly about the last time you cuddled with your child and simply enjoyed their closeness. Dad, when did you tell your daughter about what happened to you that day, what made you sad, who made you angry or what made you happy. Mum, recall in your mind the day you were at the playground with your son and you didn't take your phone out of your pocket. When you looked at your child and watched him in awe rather than glanced at him from the screen. When you were playing with your children, playing board games, stacking blocks, drawing, playing football... enjoying the moment, not thinking about anything else.
Perhaps not often, but too rarely?
Where do these bold opinions come from?
Dear parents, you come to our centre with a suspicion that your the child has autism. You talk about how your child's development is worrying you. You have read about it, heard something, have suspicions. After psychological consultation You get recommendations such as putting down electronics: iPad, phone, computer games, TV. After two or three weeks, it turns out that your child:
- is well and able to function without it,
- no longer behaves like a child on the spectrum,
- starts looking at you, talking to you, playing, laughing and doing all of these things,
What children his age do.
Is it a miraculous transformation? The child - no. Because it was never on the spectrum. The parents - yes. Because they have recognised that the child needs their attention, not electronics!
Activity is key to children's health
Another case is that of a child who "certainly" has sensory integration disorder. Problem with balance, with alternate coordination of movements, tactile hypersensitivity, auditory hypersensitivity. We investigate in order to make a diagnosis: of course we do tests, interview, observe. The result? Sensory integration disorder is there, but the reason could be a lack of opportunity to acquire the skills mentioned above. Recommendations are to get up off the sofa and take the child to the woods, to the playground, on a bike or rollerblading. Let him jump over obstacles he encounters on his way, walk on a wall, climb a tree, walk barefoot. And although you tremble for his life, let him try. Believe, and don't clip his wings. Dirty hands, torn clothes, scratches on the skin are the price worth paying for the pride and joy in your child's heart if he succeeds!
Ways of dealing with a bad eater
"My baby doesn't eat anything! I'm going crazy." Every meal is a traumatic event for the whole family: chasing, requests, threats, blackmail and all without much result. Our paediatric dietician gets down to business and it turns out that the child eats, but on his own terms. That is, for example, while watching a cartoon, or he eats only his two favourite dishes, or only those meals ground into mush, or between meals he likes to drink juices and eat snacks. Such stories apply even to large children. The problem will not go away on its own, the child will not "grow out of it". The older the patient, the longer the process of learning to accept food in a healthy way will take and we won't deceive you - it won't be quick and painless, but it will get better after treatment.
Parental errors and children's motor development
"The child is not sitting, and it should!" He can stand up next to the furniture, he sits up, he walks led by the hands, but he cannot sit up by himself. We carry out an interview, a study of the child's reflexes and skills and it turns out that his development has been completely disrupted and the sequence reversed. How is the child supposed to learn to crawl and quaddle if he is not put on a mat, on the floor? Where does the baby spend his time if not on the mat? Well, attention: in the parent's arms, in a rocker, on a bed or in a walker. The parents have thus taken away the opportunity for him to experience pushing off the ground, exploring his surroundings, touching, licking objects he encounters. It doesn't sound appetising, but this is how babies learn about the world. The child starts to move around trying to reach the toy. If a parent overzealously hands him a toy seeing that the child is strenuously trying to get to it, the child will not tire. He will start shouting for the toy to be handed to him.
In conclusion, you are surprised, dear parents, that your child is not achieving milestones, but it is you who are committing parental mistakes and you deprive them of this opportunity. Worried that your neighbour's toddler is already able to do this and yours is not: you sit, put him down and lead him by the hands in order to speed up the acquisition of these skills. Often without taking into account the fact that the child does not yet have the slightest desire to do so. Children are clever and if they are unstable they will not do this because they know it is not yet the time. Stumbling over one's own feet, or crooked feet, knees and spine are often the results of speeding up a child's development, despite their body not being ready. And it is enough to let the child develop in peace. Reach milestones in their own time and, most difficult of all, do not compare them with other children.
Talking is the key to speech development
"My child does not speak." Other children are already talking! There should be 10 words and there are 5! Standing procedure: interview, neurological examinatione and recommendations. And actually one recommendation. Talk to your child. Read to him, sing to him, listen to songs together.
After a few weeks, you find that the child not only starts to speak more and more words, but talking to him is a wonderful treat. You begin to realise how clever such a little person is, how insanely curious about the world and how much we adults can learn from him.
Electronics and a damaged childhood
"We need to be rescued because our teenager doesn't want to go to school." He doesn't want to meet his peers, and he doesn't talk to his parents or his siblings at all. He's afraid of contact with people, he's actually afraid of everything, he doesn't care about anything, he doesn't have any interests. Psychologists hear these words from distraught parents surprisingly often.
What happened that turned the best years of life - the crazy teenage years - into sadness, apathy and anxiety? This time should be filled with fun, new experiences and friendships. The answer is electronics abused by children and parents! A virtual world that has nothing to do with reality. In computer games you are indestructible, you can do anything, you have infinite lives, everything is beautiful, rich, equal, easy and wonderful. It's addictive and addictive. You don't want to leave the virtual world because it is 1000 times more attractive than reality. In the real world you have to bear the consequences of your actions, there are also responsibilities, sometimes you have to solve a problem. Escape to the virtual world is a curse for young people, yet the real world is open to them. All they need to do is take their eyes off the screen and look around - while it is up to parents to set the right example and remain vigilant.
No, your child does not have autism.
No, your child does not have Asperger's.
No, your child does not have motor clumsiness.
No, your child is not an eater,
No, your child does not need a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Dear Parents, your child needs you, talks with you, time spent together, movement, fresh air... Very often that is all that is needed to child behaviour has changed dramatically. Think it through before jumping to hasty conclusions.
How to protect your children's health or how to avoid the mistakes of modern parenting!
This text is about healthy children. Children with developmental problems, with special needs, is a completely different topic. But let me assure you that I feel a great, sincere and uncontrollable need to warn you Parents about the most common parental mistakes of the 21st century. The physical condition of children and young people is declining every year and obesity is on the increase! Physical disability and mental illness is increasingly affecting theoretically healthy children! The result is increasingly children who are not adapted to society. This dangerous trend must be curbed at all costs.
In summary, try to work more with your children, observe them and listen to their needs. If you feel that you really need the support of a psychologist, physiotherapista speech therapist, a dietician or any other specialist in connection with the child development problems, we invite you to Kids Medic Children and Youth Therapy Centre in Warsaw for a consultation. We are here to help you. However, sometimes all it really takes is a little bit of attention. Try it - you certainly won't regret it.
Anna Bernaś
Paediatric physiotherapist
